Saturday, September 11, 2010

The Nose Knows

I only read about the recent race call at Monmouth race track where two horses, one named Mywifenosevrything and the other named Thewifedoesntknow were battling each other down the stretch, vying for the lead. The legendary Monmouth announcer, Larry Collmus was not about to let a once-in-a-lifetime moment pass and accurately made the call, literally and symbolically..."Mywifenosevrything, Thewifedoesntknow...they're one-two...of course they are!"

The horses continued toward the finish line, with Mywifenosevrything prevailing with a two length victory. Thewifedoesntknow finished second, creating a $29.40 exacta.

Giving horses cute, smashed together names is not common, but there's a bit more of it than they're ever used to be. A quick look at either name and it seems completely unpronounceable, foreign. Finalists at some European match, in almost any sport. A closer look reveals that the letters represent words, with no spaces separating them. The Jockey Club, controls the naming of horses and sets a basic length rule that the name cannot be more than 18 characters, including spaces. There are other considerations applied to weed out sexual innuendos, politics, religion, and other taboo topics that might inflame someone.

Thus, the words 'my wife knows everything' get a bit of a Twitter condensation to make the phrase conform to the space rules. 'The wife doesn't know' just sheds the apostrophe.

When playing exactas, it is common when selecting two horses to "box" the order of finish. This means two bets, one for each outcome. It's a hedge, but not one everyone uses. Some people will just make the bet a "straight" proposition, with no hedge.

Given the names of the horses, it's hard to imagine that anyone felt they needed to hedge the bet with a "box." The names should, and this time did, create a predictable order of finish that didn't need a bet being wasted going the other way.

But true to this country's use of replay and rematch, the two horses are again meeting in a race tomorrow. There are other horses in the field, and the order of finish is not really pre-determined. Cute names or not, it is not however uncommon for a one-two finish to be repeated the next time out.

Time will tell. It always does. You can bet on it.

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