When I Get the Gas, Do We Need Anything Else?

I wonder if the WSJ A-Hed reporter who when writing about the guy in Brazil who set himself up to live like a king, be known as a king, designing his house to be a castle and sitting on his throne with a beer in one hand, was aware of how incongruous it was to report that Ivanio Batista da Silva, a.k.a. His Majesty Ivan I of Cubatão, bought one of his nine ceremonial swords at the petrol station.

Maybe it was that he bought the other eight somewhere else, or that when you only buy one at a petrol station there's nothing unusual about the gas station's inventory.

I know little about Brazil, and what is bought where. I'm going to assume the reporter, Samantha Pearson is based in Brazil and perhaps not aware of how many bells might go off in the Northern Hemisphere when she writes, "His regal paraphernalia comes from diverse places. He bought one of his nine swords at a gas station." 

A former reporter for the WSJ, Stephen Miller once told me the A-Hed pieces are pitched to the editor of the column, and come from staff members all over the world. I have to say I've never seen the same byline twice. Everyone it seems has one good tale to tell.

Samantha tells us Cubatão is a community in southeast Brazil of 130,000 souls, none of whom have to swear allegiance to Ivanio I. Ivanio is 59 years old and was once, like the president of Brazil, a shoeshine boy made good. He's done well, and well, wants to live like a king. His wife is extremely tolerant.

I suspect Brazilian gas stations are like our gas stations and probably have a convenience store attached to them selling microwaved sandwiches, soda, candies, cake, beer, milk, newspapers, chips, coffee, donuts and maps. If you were to make a list of items found in one of our gas station convenience stores, add the word "swords" to it, and ask someone to cross out the item that doesn't belong, my money is on the person who will cross out swords.

Reading any A-Hed piece is informative. I didn't know that until 134 years ago Brazil was a Portuguese kingdom. There are plenty who still wish it was.

There is no mistaking Mr. da Silva's home for a castle. It is pictured above, complete with high walls and turrets. Inside, he is seen sitting on his throne. My wonder is, based on declaring himself king, does he still have to pay taxes? Is there an exemption for "royalty."

Mr. da Silva is only 59, and seems to be in good health. Ms. Pearson tells us he has plans to build a 60 foot dragon on the roof and that his wife still loves him, despite his over the top eccentricities.

Mr. da Silva was not born wealthy. He made his small fortune in the 1990s disposing of factories' waste. He took the saying "to live like a king" quite literally, and by all appearances has surrounded himself with all the trappings.

If the obituary writers Robert McG. Thomas Jr. and Jim Nicholson were still alive, and Mr. da Silva were to pass away, we would no doubt be treated to an exquisite obit on the Brazilian "monarch." Long live the king.

Oddly enough, if you Google "swords and gas stations," you get the fact that there is a Chevron station in Houma, Louisiana that sells hunting knives and ninja swords. The owner's daughter tells the local newspaper, "The convenience store industry is not about just selling gas."

I guess not.

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