A Ride to Remember

This is meant to memorialize a touchstone moment when I can be reminded of what a great sport watching horse racing is: Saturday's Oaklawn Park Handicap that was a six horse field that included Sovereignty, Journalism and White Abarrio, competing for a $1,250,000 purse at a mile and an eighth.

Oaklawn Park in Hot Springs, Arkansas runs a first class thoroughbred meet. I always thought I wanted to travel to Del Mar, but no, I'll take Oaklawn over Del Mar, despite surprisingly no turf course..

For some unfathomable reason, the sport's grading committee has relegated the Oaklawn Handicap to a Grade II event rather than a Grade I event. It is mystifying, since the purse is $1,250,000 and requires nominating fees, $6,260 to pass the entry box, and $6,250 to start. That's a lot of money for a Grade II race. 

This year's field was exceptional. The winners of last year Triple Crown races are there: Journalism who won the Preakness, and Sovereignty who won the Kentucky Derby, the Belmont Stakes, and the Travers, who topped the year with an Eclipse Award as outstanding three year-old, as well as Horse of the Year honors...joined with the generation's war horse, 7 year-old White Abarrio, winner of the 2023 Breeders' Cup classic as well as the 2023 Whitney and the 2025 Pegasus World Cup. White Abarrio is the Eveready battery. He just keeps going and going, and is not a gelding.

White Abarrio's breeding is from a modest sire, Race Day, but the mare, Catching Diamonds, is by Into Mischief, a top stakes producing sire. A mare's breeding can be more important than the sire's. 

White Abarrio is trained by Saffie Joseph, Jr, a burly third generation horseman with a distinct man bun, from Barbados who can flat out train horses. 

Racing standards will not describe a horse as "white." White Abarrio is considered a gray/roan, but can never be thought of as anything but a white horse.

The Oaklawn Handicap is for 4 year-olds and up. It is a handicap, which means the racing secretary assigns weights with the theoretical goal of being so accurate that all the horses hit he finish line together, or very close together; level the playing field so to speak.

It never works out that way, but the horse with the best résumé is assigned the highest weight. Weight handicapping is nowhere near anything like in the days when I started racing and watching Dr. Fager and Damascus get weight assignments geared to level the playing field. You handicapped with weight in mind: pounds on, pounds off, the swing in weights.

I will never forget that in 1968 Dr. Fager was assigned a massive 139 pounds in the seven furlong Vosburgh Handicap at Aqueduct. He blew their doors off and set a new track record of 1:201/5 that has stood for over half a century. No one will ever be assigned to carry 139 pounds again, anywhere..

Oaklawn's track secretary acknowledges Sovereignty's credentials and assigns 123 pounds, pretty much almost laughable since the horse was running at scale of 126 as a three year-old. But that's the way it is these days. 

White Abarrio gets in with 121 pounds, and Journalism gets in with 119. No one cares about the weight assignments.

Sovereignty goes off the favorite, as he should. The pre-race analysis by Laffit Pincay, Jr. and Richard Migliore, a highly competent, retired New York based journeyman jockey, is that White Abarrio will take the lead, and the other big two will follow.

What follows is a surprise. Sovereignty takes the lead, White Abarrio follows, and Journalism follows closely. A quarter mile into the race is run in 23: flat. The three are almost running in tandem. The Big Three. It's Churchill, Stalin and F.D.R gathering at Potsdam and Yalta. 

If anyone ever thinks the jockey doesn't matter, then you don't know horse racing. Decisions are made in the blink of an eye, and Irad Ortiz, Jr. on White Abarrio makes a decision. Tap the breaks.

He basically thinks that if his brother, José Ortiz on Journalism, and Robbie Alvarado on Sovereignty  want to contest for the lead, go ahead. I'll stay close. And he does.

Uncharacteristically, Sovereignty leads by a head at every pole and into the stretch. White Abarrio is second at the quarter, pulls back and is fourth, third and second going into the stretch. Irad has them where he wants them. He's had them for lunch.

He easily overtakes Sovereignty in the stretch; the chart caller called it "forged clear" and wins by 2 lengths, finishing in a more than decent 1:47.49.

White Abarrio runs the final quarter mile in under 12 seconds; a championship effort. The TV analyst Richard Migliore is over the moon. It's as if he was on the horse's back.

Of the three, White Abarrio is the longest odds: $3.60 to $1.00. Sovereignty finishes second and Journalism third. The triple and the superfecta are chump change, even with a 14-1 finishing fourth; but the exacta is a very generous $11.60 for $1. It was an outstanding bet if you like White Abarrio.  This was a "value" bet.

And that is what is attractive about horse racing; liking a horse that may turn out to be a surprise winner and cashing in. Handicapping it that way. I didn't play the race, I'm sure those that picked that exacta were as happy as Saffie Joseph, Jr .who was overtaken with emotion and basically reduced to tears on any post-race interview as he struggled to get words out. 

Winning the exacta may not have reduced you to tears of joy, but you get the idea. Horse racing is exciting. If you know. You know.

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Shaking My Head

The long-awaited re-opening of the new Belmont Park is almost here. Lest anyone not know that Belmont Park, while being parklike, is also a thoroughbred racing venue run by the notoriously baffling, short-sighted, ever haughty, ever stupid, New York Racing Association, most times referred to as NYRA.

The re-opening is scheduled for a date in September, I think a little ahead of the planned October re-opening. I guess no construction delays.

It's a complete revamping of what was a new Belmont Park that opened in 1968, that replaced the prior, even older Belmont Park. Belmont Park goes way back. My story with it starts at the re-opening in 1968.

The New York Times front page story on Wednesday is about a police chief losing $4.5 million and never leaving his home or office  It was all done on his phone, with Draft Kings and Fan Duel apps, financed by money stolen from the New Haven, Connecticut police department. A Police Chief's $4.5 Million Gambling Secret: 'It's on the App.' Online, phone/app betting is the cocaine of betting.

Chief Karl. R. Jacobson never set foot in a casino, racetrack, or made calls to a bookie who would extend credit, to a point, but then would become threatening to Karl's joints if payments were not kept up. No, Karl's bets were in effect cash from his accounts with Draft Kings and FanDuel, taking action on sports, significantly NOT horse racing. 

No one loses $4.5 million betting on horse racing these days. And therein lies the ignorance of the folks at NYRA who think they are running some kind of Disney attraction geared to attract the young and beautiful from New York Times style pages wearing Kate Middleton fascinator hats— is it Generation Z?— to a venue that has been perpetually frequented by single, male bettors over 40, of a vast ethnic background who are now disappearing into graveyards and assisted living centers.  

NYRA has never understood who its patrons are. All you have to do is look at the ads for Belmont Day at Saratoga to realize that NYRA has an idealized view of who comes to the racetrack.

The racetrack is a venue for gambling that has been losing out to lottery tickets, brick and mortar casinos, online casinos, online sport betting apps, and now prediction market platforms:  "Will Trump introduce his son at the State of the Union Address?" It is pathetic.

Betting revenue feeds the purses, and the purses at NYRA are tanking all year. There are $10.000 claiming races, unheard of but a few years ago. Thoroughbred foals are coming into the world in decreasing numbers. NYRA runs 4 days a week, often with fields of fewer than 5 horses in a race. The other day, for an $88,000 purse, only two horses were lead into the starting gate. TWO! A match race created by scratches. There was betting. NYRA has to take every opportunity there is to take action.

As such, they allowed, and now have pulled back on, Computer Assisted Wagering, or CAW. This lets the whales bet via telecommunications to bet massive amounts on a race, often loading the bet in so late that post time odds of 5-2 can flash down to 9/5, or lower, as the gates open and no one can bet anymore. There was always a thought that the bets were allowed after the gates opened and the desired horse got out of the gate cleanly, a fraction of a second after the gates open—past posting.

NYRA claims to have taken precautions to past-posting betting, and now limits the races that CAW can dump money though the board. CAW accounts get a 10% rebate on their volume. All they have to do is make enough correct bets to break even or better, then gain a 10% rebate on their aggregate betting. With clever betting, it is not hard to break even over time. When I was betting perhaps 30 days a years at NYRA tracks, I might have finished the year with a $200 deficit. Not bad for a casual player.

With the re-opening approaching and anticipation building to see what the new place will look like, I registered my email to get Belmont Track Updates. I've been trying to find out how NYRA will price its admissions and seats. I've gone to Saratoga for the last 20 years plus (not last year) and was very familiar with NYRA raising admission prices and securing reserved seats.

I minded, but the effect of their pricing didn't dampen my attendance. Saratoga was a planned vacation. And when you're on vacation, you spend money you ordinarily don't.

The Saratoga patron who is not from downstate contrasts greatly with someone from downstate, who might not be a gambler but rather will accept the definition as "horseplayer:" Someone who revels in handicapping and trying to leverage betting. In the years I attended Saratoga for 4 straight days of betting, the most I ever lost betting was $60 for the four days, often netting a profit of between $60 and $150: a casual "horseplayer."

My friend and I would pay for Foustardave seating and were constantly in awe of all the people who walked by without even a program, let along a Racing Form. They were however a very well-fed group who seemed to enjoy eating in the atmosphere of the racetrack rather than in handicapping. There was always a line for the mac n' cheese truck parked outside the Fourstardave.

Saratoga Springs boasts no beaches or professional sports of any kind. There is night trotting racing, but little to compete with Saratoga when it's open other than the library. Upstaters understandably flock to Saratoga Race Track for diversion and recreation. And a place to eat.

Since my quartet of race-going friends—which is now three due to a death last June—have been looking forward to Belmont's re-opening, I've signed on for the Belmont newsletter. Yesterday, one landed in the in box.

And therein is a clue to NYRA's mentality that they've built a venue that should attract a premium dollar. The drawings show a lush, clean, new atmosphere that seems worthy of the wait for the re-opening. I'm looking forward to it. But not what I anticipate pricing that will greatly discourage this retiree, Senior Citizen, from any kind of repeat attendance.

The NYRA newsletter shows an ticket option that includes 20 days of racing admissions, (some "marquee dates"—other than the Belmont Stakes admission and seats, for which you get "priority" in ordering tickets for that bad boy) with a daily credit of $25 for food and beverage, in "seats with backs" (I kid you not.) for what amounts to $981, just short of $50 for each admission to get a seat "with a back." Toilet sets have no back. So far they're free. Maybe.

That squares with my guessing that the new Belmont will require at least a $10 admission fee, and at least $15 for a seat that used to be free. The seats were always free because no one was ever there. You could set off explosives in sections of the old Belmont, and not hurt anyone. And now they think because they "built it, they will come." Delusional thinking.

There is an even more exclusive option to obtain multiple seats in a box. I didn't go through with the pricing on that one. Whatever it is, it is delusional.

But NYRA's not really stupid. They convinced New York's Governor Kathy Hochul to fork over a publicly financed $455 million loan to complete the re-build to attract the imagined beautiful people who will descend on the place and enjoy themselves, which will only occur one day a year, the Belmont Stakes Day. (2027 Breeders' Cup day is handled by the Breeders' Cup people)

Governor Hochul has fallen for NYRA's line about being good for employment. With public money, she is financing a renovation that really rebuilds Belmont as "Big Beautiful Belmont" (it is) as an automatic white elephant, to be run as a self-serving club for the people appointed to run it.

Going to Belmont in the years before the renovation, there was always a reserved section on the third floor of the clubhouse area adjacent to the boxes. As close to the finish line as you could get without being in a box. There was always an attendant to check those who were going to be seated there for their ticket. They were the only person in the section for the entire card. There was no need to "buy" a seat when the rest of the seats were available. Now I guess NYRA wants then all to be reserved, like Saratoga. Belmont is not Saratoga. But after all, a "seat with a back" is worth a premium I guess.

Belmont is not a vacation destination. Downstate horseplayers have been getting free admission to Aqueduct, with free parking for years The sparse crowd—and if it looked big, it was only because everyone was shoehorned into a small section of the second floor—was there to basically use automated machines to even get a voucher, and machines to make bets. It was gotten used to. Live cashiers were barely existent.

Belmont is not in New York City. It is in Elmont, New York, just over the Queens border. No subway goes there. But the LIRR has a dedicated station with service from Jamaica or Penn Station straight to the track. A commuter train's version of what was once The Subway Special to Aqueduct from Times Square, 42nd street, or Hoyt-Schermerhorn Station in Brooklyn. A special $1.50 token was what you needed.

If you don't drive and park at Belmont (whatever that's going to cost you) you might get there by a Nassau County bus along Hempstead Turnpike, or take the LIRR. But at what fare? LIRR at least has a Senior Citizen fare. NYRA does not. Never did.

With their continued short sighted mentality of who is really going to come to the racetrack, that loan may fall in arrears. But hey, NYRA has been playing with public money for years to keep an insular game going that is really run for the benefit of the owners, trainers, jockeys, backstretch workers, breeding industry, and those interests on the Board of Trustees. If it were to disappear, I would miss it, but I'd move on.

We'll see how much longer I'll get to enjoy handicapping at the racetrack. The kitchen TV and computer work just fine for me.

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The Sphinx Speaks

I love reading Maureen Dowd. Not because I agree with everything she writes, which is usually a tirade or a disquisition against the Trump administration, but because of the way she phrases it. No one does a one sentence snark better than Maureen. 

Maureen usually leaves me circling a word she's used that I have to look up, but not this time. Maybe I met her match by using "disquisition."

Today's disquisition is about the mystery of why Melania Trump seemed to be motivated to  proactively disavow any relationship with the disgraced, and very dead [Yeah, I know. I modified an absolute. Sue me.] Jeffrey Epstein, whose files are more talked about than the Adams Papers once were, or the Dead Sea Scrolls.

Melania spoke for several minutes at a presidential podium clearly stating that not only did she not have a relationship with Epstein of any kind, Jeffrey didn't introduce her to The Donald back in the 1990s at the Kit Kat Club in Manhattan.

There are  of course photos of Donald and Melania with Jeffrey and his Gal Friday Giselle Maxell, but that's merely explained by attending the same parties and being asked for a photo. Nothing more.

Maureen tells us the Washington press corps was "gobsmacked" by Melanie's soliloquy. No one knew it was coming. Not even The Donald.

The headline to Maureen's Sunday Opinion piece in the Sunday NYT goes: The Sphinx Thinks It Stinks. Maureen has been calling Melania the Sphinx for years because she rarely talks to the public.

An out quote from the piece goes: "A Melania surprise creates another mystery." Who doesn't love a mystery?

"For mysterious reasons, The Slovenian Sphinx stunned the West Wing [not under renovation]. walking into the grand entrance hall of the White House to dump kerosene on the flickering Epstein fire." You gotta love it.

And you gottta love Maureen's description of Melania approaching the lectern: "for the first time the first lady—who glided so serenely on skyscraper stilettos in her infomercial, 'Melania'—looked shaken."

Is Maureen jealous of Melania's ability to wear probably 5" high heels and not fall down? Did Maureen once try it and tumble down a flight of stairs? This could be a woman thing.

The pundits have spent a week trying to figure out what made the first lady talk and deny. No doubt the Sunday news shows will touch on the topic when they tire of talking about the Strait of Hormuz and the Iranian war.

But Maureen has probably scooped them all when she tells us that Amanda Ungaro, a model and girlfriend of the man who Melania says introduced Trump to her, Paolo Zampolli, took to X and wrote some nasty. threatening things to Melania, which included the word "bitch." (The Tweet's been deleted.)

The story goes that Paolo inquired to President Trump about his model girlfriend and mother of his child's status. Amanda had been arrested on fraud charges and was being detained by ICE in Miami. Supposedly the innocent phone call lead to Amanda being deported back to Brazil where she surely wasn't going to attending any more parties at Mar-a-Lago.

The fur flies when one female calls another one "bitch." Producers of the "Desperate Housewives" franchise are salivating trying to get at least a Zoom call cat fight between Melania and Amanda as a Netflix special. Amanda further used X to warn Melania that she was going to be dumping dirt on The Donald. Social media knows no borders. Even from Brazil, it's possible to raise Melania's hackles and make the Sphinx talk. 

Since Elon Musk and Trump are buddies, it seems doubtful that Amanda's going to anything on X about anyone. And Brazil is in another hemisphere.

What will the new week bring?

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The Orange Elephant

There's an orange-clad elephant taking over the Alex Trebek studio at Sony Pictures Studio in California, and his name is Jamie Ying, the current Jeopardy champion at 21 consecutive games with $609,000 in winnings. When he's done, he's buying Sony Pictures.

The Artemis II astronauts have returned from space, but Jamie's headed into space. He was most vulnerable on Wednesday night when his game earnings had him in 2nd place going into the Final Jeopardy round.  

Only the middle contestant was ahead of Jamie with $17,600. Jamie was weighing in with $14,400, an unusual place for him. No runaway.  He was most vulnerable to be checkmated. Final Jeopardy clue was a humdinger: "Adopted in 1979, the name reflects his size and strength as well as a promoter's wish to appeal to Irish-American fans."

WTF! Who writes these clues? The 3rd Contestant is mathematically out of it. The leader, Dominex Kovacs, wagers $11,201, the classic cover move to go past Jamie if Jamie doubles his bet and gets it right. Jamie, must not have been feeling it, because he bets a lukewarm $5,199, but a smart bet probably not feeling he was going to answer right, and if the leader bet enough to cover a potential Jamie double and lost, then he'd have less than Jamie as they both didn't know the answer. Result would be Jamie continues as champion. The bed feeling paid off, and the bet was right.

Remember, the bets are made before the clue is revealed. Dominex has no answer. Jamie answers Roddy Rowdy Piper, which at least brings him close to the answer being a wrestler, Hulk Hogan. Hogan, get it? Appeal to Irish-American fans. Huh?

Dust settles, and Jamie has $9,201 to Dominex's $6,398.  The champ wins the decision.

My knowledge of wrestling fans must be outdated, because I thought in New York at least they were mostly all Polish. Killer Kowalski, remember? Monday night was wrestling night at Madison Square Garden and Greenpoint, Brooklyn emptied out as the residents got on the subway to the Garden. 

Jamie sails through Thursday and Friday matches and ends the week at 21 consecutive games with $609,000 in earnings. 

Does a Jeopardy clue writer get a raise when they triple-stump the contestants?. They should. Maybe there's a Hall of Fame, or a plaque. When I saw the preview clue to Friday's final, I thought Jamie will easily get that one. I didn't get the answer, but Jamie has swallowed an atlas and lives to be with us on Monday.

Friday's clue: Around the World  A river named for the sacred lotus flower flows toward this 839,000-square-mike body of water. 

Yeah, sure. Jamie: The Bay of Bengal.

Ding goes Ka-ching again. See you Monday.

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A Celebrity Sighting

Whether you like them or not, it's exciting to be in close—or somewhat close proximity—with a celebrity: a celebrity sighting. Maybe even a photo with, as easy as that is with a cell phone these days.

For myself, I've had a few, but not enough to talk about, and few of whom are still alive. Longevity gets surrounded by death. This is not about my celebrity sightings, but rather my granddaughter's. A far more contemporary sighting.

Having Easter dinner at my oldest daughter's home in Pleasantville, NY. (My wife, has passed the baton on preparing holiday meals.) My son-in law prompted his daughter, my 14 year-old granddaughter to tell me who she saw at the movies the other night at the 7:30 showing of Sinners at the Chappaqua cinema. (She's was off for Easter spring break.)

"Bill Clinton."
"Wow, really, where?"
"At the Chappaqua Cinema on Thursday night."
"Was he with any sketchy females?"
"No, just Hillary."
"Wow."

Clinton sightings are not uncommon, since Chappaqua is the adjacent hamlet to Pleasantville. Chappaqua is in New Castle Township; Pleasantville is in Mount Pleasant. They are the same in many ways, other than the median income. Chappaqua is lots more. Chappaqua is within walking distance of the family home in Pleasantville.

Bill and Hillary were taking in a showing of Sinners. I asked my granddaughter about the movie and she said it's "violent." She and her girlfriend sat close enough to the Clintons in their reserved seats to observe that Bill is wearing a hearing aid. She said Hillary looked good.

A small security detail surrounded the Clintons. My granddaughter didn't get a selfie with the power couple.

I don't remember when the Clintons started calling Chappaqua home. Hillary of course was twice elected U.S. Senator for New York; served as Obama's Secretary of state, and famously ran for president in 2016, only to be dfeate4d by a real estate developer from Queens. The ignominy will never wear off.

I related my story to a dedicated reader who was surprised to hear I had a 14 year-old granddaughter. Perhaps not as surprised as I am, especially when I consider she has an 18 year-old sister who is in her freshman year at Penn State, studying nursing.

Life if full of nice surprises.

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Jamie Ding. Steamroller

Jeopardy Champion Jamie Ding has entered space, just like the Artemis II astronauts.

Wednesday's game saw Jamie become a 14 day champion with $371,600 in winnings. Right out of the gate Jamie blitzed the opening round before commercial, answering or passing each clue. His opponents never even buzzed in! It was a blitz. After the electronic dust settled, and we learned what we good Americans should be buying, Jamie stood there with $45,000 in winnings: his opponents each with $0. Jeopardy needs a Little League Mercy Rule.

It was like Dr. Fager left them standing in the starting gate, or Willie Mosconi ran the table several times and left his opponent glued to their seat. Ken Jennings opened the next round after commercial stating Jamie had "steamrolled."

Jamie continues to sport the orange themed clothing to honor his grandmother with her favorite color. Going into Wednesday's Final Jeopardy, round, one opponent had to be dropped out because they were in negative territory. Jamie had sucked out all the money there was to have.

All the extra money on the board couldn't bring Jamie's opponents any closer. Headed into final Jeopardy Jamie was sitting on $55,800, One opponent was in negative no-mans land. See ya.

Final Jeopardy: "Mark Twain wrote the quip that on this date of the year, we are reminded of what we are on the other 364."

Easy enough to solve if you realize that the clue is being aired on April 1st, April Fool's Day. Of course Jeopardy is filmed in advance; it is not televised live.

So perhaps Jamie didn't have April Fool's Day at the top of his brain. No matter. The only contender left got it, had insufficient money to threaten.

Jamie on the other hand went into the round with $55,800, the proverbial royal flush.  He was untouchable. So what did Jamie bet? Certainly not all of it and risk the win. But he's got his eye on a record round and wants to finish with $100,000, a princely sum for a round of Jeopardy. 

Astonishingly, Jamie bets $44,200, that if right, will give him that legendary $100,000 round. In a gambler's vocabulary, Jamie is playing with "house money."

Jamie's answer: Labor Day. Oh boy. Ken Jennings applauds the bet, recognizing that Jamie is aiming to be in James Holzhauer territory, but he fails. April 1 is the answer: April Fool's Day. That Mark Twain.

Jamie of course still wins and advances through the next two days like a hot knife trough butter. He finished Friday's round with his 16th win, with a total winnings of $462,401. He's crawling up the leader board.

How high will the numbers go? How do I bet on Jamie? What's the over/under? Are those prediction markets taking action? You don't need to be in Vegas to get down on such bets. All you need is a phone, which doubles as a computer.

There's a maxim in better: never bet on something that can talk. Since Jeopardy is filmed in advance of its showings, piling in 5 days' worth of telecasts in one day's taping, Jamie has either already been toppled, or is still steam rolling along.

There are several somebodies who know about Jamie's status today, in real time There's an audience of course, and the staff associated with the show, The lag time between a taping and its viewing can vary from 2 to 3 months, or 4 weeks to 5 months! depending on the time of the year. Jamie has either taken up living in California, or he's back at his job in New Jersey. No prediction market is touching Jamie bets.

It's a bit like Joe DiMaggio's 56-day hitting streak, when the daily question in the morning was, "did Joe get a  hit yesterday?"

Although Jamie's fate is probably already sealed, I don't know what it is, and don't have the wherewithal to try and find out. I'll set the over/under at this point at 26 games and take the under.

Anyone interested?

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KitKat

The four U.S. astronauts soon to be launched in the Artemis II mission for a few spins around the moon and back, will eventually be the only people who will have probably not heard about the 12 metric ton heist in Italy of collectible KatKat bars, because they will literally be out of this world. It is world wide news. Outside of newborns, who doesn't know anything about candy cars?

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and value is in the hands of the holder. Nestlé is the Swiss company that produces the candy bar, that I only see around Halloween when my wife puts together a variety of mini-bars for what are now the few Trick-or-Treaters we get. KitKat must be popular, because one goblin shouted with joy when I plopped a KitKat in their sack. Go for it kid.

My favorite candies were Canada mints and Mounds bars, those twin chocolate bars covering a coconut filling. Almond Joys with the almonds were okay, but Mounds bars were what I spent my tip money from the flower shop deliveries on.

I may be wrong, but there is something about a heist that grabs our attention. Remember the scene in Goodfellas where the truck driver goes into the diner, leaves the keys to the rig, and Bob's your uncle, his truck is hijacked by the Goodfellas who provide so many story lines to TV and movies. We can't get enough of them, either.

The Wall Street Journal's A-Hed piece, that soft piece of journalism that can be found every day for decades below the fold, now for decades, commenting on silly trends and other quirks of the human race, I doubt is rarely written on deadline. Until day.

The headline tells us: How a Massive KitKat Heist Turned Into Crisis PR Gold

The sub-heading goes: Nestlé response to chocolate robbery shows power of embracing embarrassing news

The WSJ, being a business paper, goes on about how Nestlé and even other companies are trying to turn embarrassment into lemonade.

Details of the heist are limited to the fact that 12 metric tons of the candy bars, 413,793, were "swiped by thieves when they were on their way from the factory in central Italy to Poland. Both the chocolate bars and the truck carrying them remain missing, though no one was hurt in the theft." Pretty dry stuff. They aren't used to reporting on crime. The PR angle follows.

Poland! 12 metric ton of KitKat bars are were headed to Poland. I don't know about you, but I never think of American candy being consumed by Eurozone nations.

The heist details are the truck was traveling on March 26 on a stretch of highway outside Turin when it was stopped by what turned out to be thieves posing as police. (Sound like the Isabella Gardner Museum heist?) The driver was later found, unharmed, but the truck was gone.

That driver will immediately be suspected of being in on it, just like one of the watchmen at the Isabella Gardner museum was. (He wasn't.)

Can you imagine a crew of thieves sitting around sitting around a garage somewhere drinking coffee and annoying each other, waiting for the intel to come through that the truck they want to hit has just left the factory with highly desirable Formula 1 shaped candy bars? Other news outlets carry details of the heist.

According to Forbes, "unlike electronics or high-value components, chocolate requires no technical resale network, It can be moved quickly through informal channels—small retailer, pop-up markets, or even online listings—before authorities can react.

This heist disrupted a carefully timed campaign designed to align with key races, including the Italian Grand Prix at Monza. Marketing windows in motorsports are unforgiving; miss the moment and the impact fades quickly."

My wife tells me that in CVS she's seen KatKat bars in the shape of Easter bunnies for the soon-to-arrive holiday. The day after Easter an Easter bunny shaped candy car is just another candy bar, and can be ignored.

Will this heist be like the Quebec maple syrup heist? They made a NetFlix movie out of that one. Will it be solved, or will it go ice cold like the missing Rembrandts and Vermeers from the Isabella Gardner museum?

The perpetrators of the recent Louvre heist have been caught (save one, I think.), but the jewels have not. There was just a heist of three paintings from a small museum in Parma Italy. A Matisse, Renoir and Cézanne were all taken in three minutes, the thieves racing away as the alarms kicked in.

But candy bars? Who do you fence them to? Who is going to absorb over 400,000 candy bars, no matter how you split them up? Is there a European bodega network that will snatch them up and put them next to other candy offerings?

For their part, Nestlé says the candy bars all have identifying codes. Maybe AI will crack its first case.

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