Final Jeopardy

It may have occurred to even a part-time viewer of the game show Jeopardy to ask themselves, why is it that you never see a contestant who appears to be over 65 years old, and certainly not a septuagenarian, no matter how many marbles they might still possess? Being now a fairly regular viewer of the show I'll tell you why this is.

No one over the age of 65 can answer a Final Jeopardy clue—Disney Characters— that goes like yesterday's: 

In the source material from more than 3 centuries ago, her name was Badr Al-Budur, "Full moon of full moons." I knew it wasn't Tinkerbell, but after that, who?

Are they kidding me? My recall of Disney characters probably reaches as late as Old Yeller. The clue was completely unanswerable to me at the age of 73, but not to any of last night's three contestants who all correctly wrote "Jasmine" as their response. Those three who couldn't even apply for AARP membership, could probably name the movie, as well as hum the soundtrack.

Not all clues are titled toward those who are too young to run for president, despite what the constitution says about their eligibility. The other night "Tony Bennett" was the Final Jeopardy answer to the clue that asked about someone who was 95 who released an album of new material. Aced that one.

Two of the three for some completely unknown reason each answered Diana Ross, certainly to her publicity agent's and Ms. Ross's dismay, and probably to whomever she might be in a relationship with. The oldest of the three did answer Tony Bennett, and I think emerged as a one day champion. 

We don't know what world the contestant who got it right over the others lives in, but perhaps she visits dad more often and he's playing something when she visits.

When there's a category that I have absolutely no idea what the answer might be, for any dollar amount, it's usually about some pop culture that's occurred sometime after the emergence of a crotch-grabbing music video of Madonna singing "Like a Virgin."

Sure I've heard of Beyoncé, Adele and Taylor Swift, but other that Lady B's "Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It") I can't name a single tune they're known for. Rappers? Fuhgetaboutit.

Movies and actors? After The Godfather (I), a Jack Nicholson or Robert DeNiro movie, maybe a Michael Douglas thrown in there, I have no freaking idea who won what award when. The last time I watched the Academy Awards either Bob Hope or Johnny Carson were hosting them. Ever hear of them?

The demographic divide on Jeopardy can be very predictable. When the clue was looking for an answer that would be Greta Garbo the other night, no one even moved toward their buzzer.

I'm sure the 9 research people that Jeopardy employs to create categories and clues try for demographic balance. But how many codgers are on that staff? Someone snuck in a baseball clue that required someone to correctly answer Tinker (as in the double play combination Tinker to Evans to Chance) but again, the buzzers didn't buzz in. No takers. Do they get more pay if they devise a clue that no one can answer? Someone's keeping track, because someone is always keeping track of everything.

It is for all these reasons that I won't be taking the Jeopardy nationwide online audition quiz that's coming up again next week.

I don't stand a chance.

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