The Advance Obit

Being an outsized public personality beyond the age of 70—and President of the United States—The New York Times surely has an advance obit already sketched out for his demise. They're not being wishful, they are being practical. There are likely 1,200 pre-written obits for major personalities of all stripes, in the morgue waiting to be lifted to a designated page when the time is right. A pre-written obit will get updated when the time comes. The advance writing helps save time on deadline for getting a piece out that is topical.

It is no news that obituary writing has become playful when it can be. I love reading obits, not because I'm glad someone has passed away–so far I think I've only ever personally met maybe one of the people who've been given a tribute obituary–but because I enjoy an especially well-written one.

There are nuggets of information, memorable quotes, and lively descriptions in a well-written obit. Obituary writing is a specialty, and nowhere is it more on display than in today's NYT obit on Robert Evans, Hollywood producer, that gained front page, below-the-fold placement. The obit is by Brooks Barnes, a byline name I'm not familiar with, but one I hope to see again.

In some people's eyes, front page for a Hollywood producer might seem too high a pedestal to place Mr. Evans, but it all depends on what else is going on at the time of his demise. He made it to the front page, and probably doesn't know it. Such is life.

In a one sentence paragraph, Mr. Barnes describes Mr. Evans.

Mr. Evans, with his bolo ties and burnt-bacon tan, served as a bridge between old and new Hollywood.

"Burnt-bacon tan."  You've got to love it.

I don't know Mr Barnes, I don't know if he's been dying to use that description for ages and now just got the right opportunity, or if it just came to him as he was writing today's obit. It doesn't really matter. It's in the paper, and is now fair game to use whenever you spot someone with that deep brown tan in New York in January or February that looks expensive.

Right from the lede, you know you're going to be reading an obit that's a bit of a standout, regardless of what your opinion or knowledge (if any) of Mr. Evans is. It's a beaut, and won't take you long to read.

Describing someone's complexion got me thinking. Will the advance obit for President Trump make any reference to the color of his cheeks, chin and forehead? Will a cheeky obit writer try to get one past the editor and describe Mr. Trump has having a complexion that is "a dangerous Agent Orange incandescence." We will have to wait.

Meanwhile, there is no doubt an advance obit for George Hamilton is filed away in The Times morgue, waiting to be lifted to a page. Anyone who has ever seen George will know that even in a black and white photo, George has a tan. He has a "burnt-bacon tan."

But that's already been used. Brooks Barnes and Robert Evans beat him to it.

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