Wednesday, March 20, 2019

The Billions Infomercial

If anyone is interested in these things, the Showtime series Billions resumed on Sunday for Season 4. I like the show, and I do not freaking believe it, but the end of the show is as big an infomercial for Sparks Steak House as I've ever seen.

Anyone who knows anything about New York knows this is where the Mafia boss Paul Costellano  got his pink slip. Not in Sparks of course, but right outside it. It was 1985 and it was the last mob hit in New York City until it wasn't when Francesco Cali got what was thought to be his pink slip in front of his Todt Hill Staten Island home last Wednesday.

It turn out Mr. Cali was was gunned down by a 24-year-old smitten lover of Mr. Cali's niece who was upset Mr. Cali told him to stay away from the young lady. Mr. Anthony Comello, didn't like the brush off and on Wednesday night caused a fender bender with Mr. Cali's Cadillac Escalade parked in  front of the Cali home.

Surveillance video shows Mr. Comello ringing Mr. Cali's bell and handing him the license plate that he knocked off his vehicle. Words were exchanged, and Mr. Comello pulls out a handgun and hit Mr. Cali with anywhere from 6-10 shots, ending his life

On Saturday, Mr. Comello was arrested in Brick Township, New Jersey. telling the arresting officers he was high on marijuana when he confronted Mr. Cali and feared for his life, so he shot him. No weapon was ever presented by Mr. Cali.

Mr. Comello had now probably set back efforts to legalize marijuana, but has probably given President Trump a plug that he is tough on organized crime, since Mr. Comello showed off things he had written on his palms, one of which was 'M.A.G.A.', the Trump 'Make American Great Again' slogan.

Mr. Comello reminds me somewhat of the time when I was working and we were doing an audit of the health care expenses for the Drywall Tapers Union on 14th Street. The group's experience—their health care costs—had sky rocketed, sending the group into a large deficit and earmarking them for a significant rate increase.

We knew the name of the individual whose claims had caused the spike, but we needed to verify they were indeed a union member, and not just someone who was placed on the group's rolls who suddenly needed insurance.

The group's administrator was still fuming over the lovesick Yugoslavian who was jilted by his girlfriend and who attempted suicide by sucking on a tail pipe with the engine running.

The poor fellow probably didn't have access to a garage, or hadn't yet watched enough movies, because after starting the engine and getting the exhaust going, he bent down and tried to keep the tail pipe in this mouth to take in the fumes.

Well, at this point the tail pipe is quite hot, and the young man couldn't keep it in his mouth. He abandoned his plans, but not before he had given himself significant burns on the mouth and face. The surgery and subsequent health care costs were expensive, but paid by his coverage. The group administrator swore he would never allow a lovesick Yugoslavian to become a member.

Mr. Comello has in effect so far survived his own suicide attempt. But as anyone knows, especially the law enforcement people who are heavily guarding him, it's not over yet. He might not last as long in incarceration than a transferred Whitey Bulger.

Any regular follower of Billions knows, Chuck Rhoades, the character played by Paul Giamatti is no longer the U.S. Attorney for the Southern District. He was ousted when his plan to unseat the U.S. Attorney General—his boss—backfired big time. Chuck is now ensconced in an office being billed as a power broker, someone who can get you the connections to what you need.

The show opens with a potential client looking to get a carry permit, a gun permit in New York City. New York City is especially tough on legal carry ownership, usually reserving the permits for former law enforcement people.

Also, as anyone knows, the shows these days are full of soundtrack songs. Chuck plays something from Al Green and launches into a story that Al Green plugged an acquaintance in his home accidentally, all because the gun was handy. He tried to instill in the potential that guns are not really safe to have around, but how about this parking placard, "you can even park on the sidewalk; even the cops will have to walk around."

The supplicant explains he owns horses, and carries large sums of money to and from the race track (Weather any of this money is reported as income is not germane to the story.)

Chuck dances around the request, but the man in front of him is frustrated, and walks out, telling Chuck he's a bit of a toothless tiger.

And as anyone knows, Chucks dad, Chuck Sr., is still very much in Chuck's life. When he hears of the failure to gain a permit for someone he referred to his son, he gives Chuck a tongue lashing. Even Ira, who's in the room, expresses his disappointment with Chuck. Chuck is disconsolate.

Wendy of course, Chuck's wife, the life coach, gives check the spirit of the lyrics of Bing Crosby singing 'High Hopes' to Chuck as he prepares to face a day without sunshine. Why the song isn't now playing is only because the people connected with the show don't know who Bing Crosby Crosby is, and have never  heard a line from the motivational song, "Just remember the ant/Oops there goes another rubber tree plant." Sad.

Chuck, now invigorated sets off on a daisy chain or meeting contacts who are movers and shakers in the great land of Manhattan, who during daylight hours can all be found eating somewhere.

Thus, we get Chuck making the rounds of the eateries where the mover and shaker animal spends their time. The first stop is the most obvious one, someone connected with the Police Department.

Here we have Chuck meeting either the Commissioner, or the head of the Police Benevolent Union, Richie Sansone, beautifully played by Michael Rispoli. I didn't watch Sopranos, but apparently Mr. Rispoli had a recurring role in that series. He also appears in The Deuce.

Chuck isn't even asked to sit down. He's met with fairly instant enmity since he did nothing for Richie when he was on the throne, so what can he possibly now do for him?

Well, Chuck's a human wiretap, because just prior to sitting down he overhears the conversation that Richie is having with a beefy coach-like individual about the problem they're having keeping a kid who is a stellar pitcher on the Police Athletic League (PAL) baseball roster. It seems the championships are coming up, and they can't use the kid because he's considered too old; he's just past the birthday cutoff.

Chuck's rebuffed, but not without options. He sets out for Barney Greengrass, the Sturgeon King's restaurant to sit with another mover and shaker who he hopes can do something for him. The mover and shaker can't do anything right now. He needs two tickets to Central Synagogue's Children's Hanukkah services, not the overflow section. ( I know nothing about synagogues, but this sounds like standing room. Yuk.)

This mover and shaker obviously plans far in advance. It's not even cold out, because Chuck is working up a sweat schlepping around town in just a suit (with a tie). It seems the shaker's ex-brother-in-law, who is on their board, is being a prick and is keeping him out. Chuck of course doesn't have these tickets on him—he's still walking around with the parking pass which keeps getting turned down—but he's going to work on it.

This takes him to someone who is still chowing down at another famous eatery, E.A.T. As luck would have it, that individual is going to be skiing that weekend, and won't need his tickets, but would of course like to have preferred priority VIP lift tickets to his favorite slope—for the season. This is getting really challenging.

Undaunted, Chuck tries to gain access to the ambassador from the Dominican Republic. Why, will eventually become apparent.

Getting an introduction to the ambassador is difficult; he's dealing with problems with his stepson. But, Chuck can secure an introduction if he talks to the guy who is friends with the guy at Barney Greengrass.

As for the lift tickets, Chuck gets a corner table—the Godfather table— at whatever restaurant now occupies the old spot of The Four Seasons (Chuck at least still knows maîtres-de). Chuck is with his wife Wendy, who apparently has a very flexible schedule and can get away for lunch with her husband at a high-end eatery.

Over at another table, not quite as good a table as Chuck and Wendy have, is the fellow who has the priority ski lift tickets. Given that Chuck's prosecution of the individual resulted in prison time, Chuck is reluctant to approach the fellow in so public a setting. Wendy to the rescue.

Wendy glides over to the table, looking every bit as desirable as can be, and after a brief discussion which Chuck can only see, manages to get the commitment to the ski lift tickets. What did Wendy exchange for it. She smiles. "A session."

Now, since Wendy and Chuck are into a little family S&M, Chuck is a bit baffled by this, but correctly figures it's a psychological session, since Wendy is a well-known life coach for Bobby Axelrod's crew.

The dam is burst. Chuck can now bestow the lift tickets to the guy who has the Central Synagogue tickets for the guy who can get Chuck to the guy who will introduce him to the Ambassador. Chuck's day is getting better.

By now it's boozing time in Manhattan, and chuck meets to guy who should be able to arrange an introduction to the Ambassador, but he's currently pissed off at the city for committing a stretch of block in from of his apartment to CitiBank's bike rack program. They've glommed up several legal spots and now is stuck where to park his chariot.

A smiling Chuck has the kryptonite, pulling the park-anywhere pass from his jacket. A meeting with the Ambassador ensues, but the Ambassador is very pre-occupied by his stepson's trouble emanating from his having sex with an underage girl, who clearly didn't look 12, but who has now landed his stepson on the sex offenders list. As if that's not bad enough, they want to build a Charter school within the radius of where his stepson lives, thereby making his stepson within the no-go radius for registered sex offenders within a school's zone. Jesus, New York doesn't give anyone a break.

What's the name of the school they're proposing? Chuck checks things out, and notices Bobby Axelrod, his now new best buddy, is on the board. Can the school's site selection be moved Bobby? Short answer: yes.

By now it's really later in the evening, (Chuck's feet must be killing him.) and New York movers and shakers are drinking after work. And not just anywhere, but at Sparks Steak House!

And who is Chuck expecting to meet at Sparks? Well, certainly not Bryan Connerty and his second in command, Kate Sacker, who are at the bar. Sarcasm is exchanged, since Bryan was instrumental in ousting Chuck and who has now been sworn in as the new U.S. Attorney for the Southern District, witnessed by none other than "Jock" Jeffcoat, the U.S. Attorney General Chuck tried to oust. Oh, the irony of all things.

The end of Chuck's odyssey of contacting movers and shakers is at the bar, Richie Sansone, a little unhappy to see Chuck turn up again. "Rhoades, you keep popping up like a turd that won't flush." Ouch.

Off they go to the end of the bar for a quiet chat, Sparks's interior being somewhat shown off as the quintessential New York high-end streak house, soft amber lighting, leather upholstery and mahogany everywhere.

Chuck tells Richie he understands his star PAL pitcher is having eligibility problems. Chuck to the rescue. "Five and a half months too young; five and a half months too old, it all balances out." Chuck scrolls up the kid's birth certificate on his phone. Hits delete.

Our comes a blank Dominican Republic birth certificate form from the same pocket Chuck has been trying to unload a parking pass. "Go ahead, fill it in. Whatever you want. Make the kid eligible to pitch for the next five years. I don't care." When you fill it out, get me the original and there will be no blow back. Guaranteed.  Commitment for the gun permit is now granted by Richie.

(If they make a kid who is now just past 12 suddenly seven, he's going to be the biggest freaking kid on the mound from the DR that the Mets don't know about in five years. That of course will be Richie's problem. If he even cares.)

Is this what power brokers do? Get people gun permits? Is this what Mayor Koch did when he left office and took up with the connected law firm of Stroock, Stroock & Lavan? Is this what Preet Bharara is doing after being ousted by President Trump from the U.S. Attorney's office—the same Southern New York District as the one Charles Rhoades was in charge of?

We know what power lawyers like Michael Cohen and Paul Manafort do, thanks to their association with Donald Trump, but is this the fate of public sector attorneys? Gun permits and parking placards?  Sad state of affairs. But perhaps highly lucrative.

The evening for Chuck and Richie must have gone on a bit, because by the time Chuck and Richie emerge from Sparks and stand under the restaurants' red sidewalk awning, they're both a bit tipsy, likely from downing doubles of top shelf 12-year-old scotch and putting it on Chuck's tab.

Richie asks Chuck if he remembers "the Costellano hit." "Of course." "Yeah, John Gotti has Paul rubbed out. And his driver Tommy Bilotti."

Chuck say he was a heavy drinking "pross" (prosecutor) at the time. Richie says he was a beat cop just out of the Academy. Chuck then proceeds to open the passenger door to his car, or Richie's. Richie re-enacts shots. Chuck falls down pretending to be dead, half in the passenger door, half on the sidewalk. Like it really happened. Richie walks over to the diver's side and plays dead just like Chuck. They have re-enacted the hit! Albeit without weapons.

Not only that, but the producers have managed to play a song while all this is going on: 'King of New York' by the Fun Lovin' Criminals. "La de dah de/Free John Gotti."

I do not freaking believe it. It's not even a week since Francesco Cali is gunned down, his assailant is caught ,and Hollywood is giving us a memory lane of two tipsy power broker guys who are missing the "old days" when things were done with "a handshake." And apparently ammunition.

This has not gone unnoticed. There are stories on the Internet about how prescient the producers are. Can you imagine their glee when the Cali news hit and they're sitting on a show in the can that features Sparks? Can you imagine how happy Sparks is? When you do a Google search under Sparks Steak House a potential answer is returned: "Sparks Steak House mob hit"

The hit was 34! years ago and it's still being talked about! And Sparks is still basking in the notoriety. I doubt the Federal Government will anoint the building with a National Historic Places plaque. But the City's Landmark's Commission should surely consider marking the turf where what is now New York's last sanctioned hit occurred

Almost makes me want to book a table at the restaurant and ask if anyone there was there that night. Have they got a little blurb on the menu that this is where mobsters like to eat, if they can get past the assassins that lurk outside? My grandfather's flower shop that served as a Prohibition cover for Pete's Tavern was for years referred to on the menu at Pete's. At least until they printed new menus and left the story off. I never got one of the old menus either. (I'm mad about that.)

Like Reggie's three homers in the World Series Yankee win over the Dodgers, I'm sure by now there are way more people who say they were than there at Sparks that night than really were there.. (I was at the Stadium that night. But not at Sparks.)

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