Miller High Life

There are strange things done in the Belgium sun,
By the agents who campaign,
And create a sight when they think they're right
When they declare that beer is champagne.

It's true. Belgium customs agents have emptied and destroyed 2,352 cans of Miller High Life beer because it entered their country with the company's slogan plastered on every can: The Champagne of Beer.

It's a trademark violation to bring something into the country that's labeled champagne when it isn't. The fact that beer isn't champagne didn't mean anything The slogan said it was champagne, and that's a protected commodity not to be trifled with when you enter Europe and you're not champagne. Empty cans. Destroy. Champagne imitators stay away from our borders.

I have to think that tailgate parties all over America would lay down in the middle of the 50-yard line if someone were to give them 2,352 cans of Miller High Life. Okay, they're in Europe. Do they tailgate before soccer games? I have no idea, but my guess the fans fuel up somewhere before taking their seats around the pitch and start singing songs. 2,353 cans of an alcoholic beverage would be just what the teams ordered.

The improbable story hit the WSJ on Saturday, and the NYT on Tuesday. The European Union regulators took Miller's slogan of "The Champagne of Beers" literally, and ordered the shipment destroyed for the protection of the word Champagne that can only be used when it is really champagne.

The fact that it was only the slogan that used the word champagne, and was not used to portray the contents as if there really was champagne inside didn't mean anything. Emma Bubola's story in Tuesday's NYT tells us:

"The destruction, the authorities explained, was a consequence of the European Union's strict rules regarding the protected designation of the origin of several wines or foodstuffs produced, processed and prepared in a specific geographical area..."

Would the regulators bar Scotch tape from entering the country because it's not from Scotland? Hmm.

The parent company of Miller High Life told the authorities that they don't even import into Belgium  The authorities don't know how the beer arrived in Belgium. "The person who was to receive the shipment was informed of the plan to destroy the cans and did not contest the decision..."

Wow. No contest. Just get rid of the shipment and leave it at that. Hard to believe an appeal to a higher enforcement body was not sought.

I used to drink Miller beer decades ago, before I morphed into a steady Budweiser drinker, and eventually not a  drinker.

Noel, a bartender at a pub on 55t Street off Fifth Avenue may not have known my name, but he knew what I drank. The cap was off the bottle before I sat down to watch the Ranger game.

According to the article, Miller beer is considered a lightweight of beers. "Unsophisticated." This I never knew. I know Budweiser is not considered a heavyweight either, and Bud Lite fell off nearly everyone's test buds lately ever since the failed advertising attempt to be "more inclusive." There's an advertising campaign soon to be consigned to B-school case studies to analyze what went wrong there.

Matt Simpson, the owner of  the Beer Sommelier, a consultancy based in Atlanta just shakes his head. "No matter how relatively simple in understanding the typical Miller High Life drinker is academically, I think at the very least they understand the difference between beer and wine."

This is as nice as possible way of saying that even the most cretinous lowlife drinker of Miller High Life knows that they are not drinking champagne.

Which is way more than you can say about the European Union regulators' intellect.

http://www,onofframp.blogspot.com