'Tis the Season

Unless you are off the grid or watch no television, then you are aware of how commercials at this time of year seem to repeat themselves from the prior year.

There's the cute couple enjoying the snowy outdoors when he presents her with a puppy. Ahhh, how adorable. It's followed by the cute woman who fakes a whistle using fingers in her mouth (I never could  do that) and tells him she's got something for him..

Cut to the next scene of some behemoth urban assault vehicle truck exploding through the powder and presenting itself as her gift to him. Adorable. A dog vs. a truck that charges at you like Rin Tin Tin. (look it up.)

Then there's the guy who's walking his dog and telling the dog that "there goes our next vehicle," a cross-over of some kind as traffic passes them. He does this at least three times on their walk since we know there are no longer any simple cars in America anymore; there are trucks, SUVs, and cross-overs.

Next scene is the guy getting congratulated by a "neighbor" who surely doesn't live next to him in real life, on driving a "nice vehicle." Of course the guy bought something other than what he was admiring, which of course were models from the same manufacturer. He has now settled on the fourth model from the same auto giant. The dog is suitably puzzled. What's up with guy at the other end of the leash?

Trucks are the best. Like the one that is its own power station that lets you light up your outdoor lighting that rivals the Griswolds. Why you need your truck as a generator for your outdoor Christmas lighting, is puzzling, but I guess it's a selling point. If the power goes, or you don't pay the bill, gas up the vehicle and power away and hope you don't succumb to carbon monoxide poisoning.

Trucks are never seen just hauling groceries. That's not a man thing. They are shown forging rivers and climbing rocks with a gun turret on top carrying Guatamalan rebels to a state park that you don't live near.

And in general. where do all those giant bows come from that people put on top of their vehicular gifts? I've never seen seen bows that size in my local CVS. Amazon?

Then there's the ever-present phone ads. Ted Danson is always pointing out that Consumer Cellular is better than the plan the guy in the mall is hawking that includes a gym membership and a parking space. Spectrum answers its own question of reliability. "It's reliable coast-to-coast."

The granddaddy of phone ads belongs to Verizon. They carpet bomb the airwaves with a cutie talking to Scrooge, or another cutie talking to a football player, about no dropped calls. They offer an iPhone 14-Pro with a slew of additional electronics that make up a value of $1,900, all while it's snowing on the set.

It is hard to leave the house and not head on over to your Toyota dealer and see Jan, or sign up for that phone plan that has "all the talk, text and data you'll ever need." What makes Ted Danson so sure he knows what I need?

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