I Just Wanna Be...

How can there possibly be any unemployment in the United States when every time I look up there's a mob of people who must have just gotten off an overcrowded bus appearing in a Verizon ad, happy as hell and holding a slim electronic brick in their hands?

All the happy healthy people who used to appear in HMO ads have now migrated to being happy, healthy people holding phones, getting unlimited talk, text and data for a song. I just wanna be a Verizon extra.

Russell Baker once pointed out that everyone he saw in ads was younger than him. Mr. Baker passed away in 2019 at 93, and it's still true. Even people in the multitude of drug ads all seemed to have been cured. None of them are suffering from anything and are fit, smiling and playing pickleball on what might have once been bad knees. I just wanna be in a drug ad.

No luck there. I do not have Type-2 Diabetes, (or Type-1), therefore whatever my A1C is it doesn't need to be paid attention to. I do not have Plaque Psoriasis, therefore Otezla is not for me. Likewise, no Rheumatoid Arthritis, therefore no Aspercreme goes flying off the shelf and into my CVS basket. I do not have Bipolar 1 or 2, so nothing needed there either. I do not have COPD either. Sorry Trelegy.

I do have some medication needs, but none of them seem to be what they advertise for. Is that a good thing? Should I worry?

A year or so ago I was taking something and I finally heard an ad for it on the evening news. I felt tremendous. I was part of a vast population that needed the drug. I wasn't alone.

However, I was taken off that drug and put on something else for which I have never seen an ad for. No happy, healthy, smiling people are taking what I'm now taking. Is that because it doesn't work and they can't be shown because there are no happy, healthy people taking what I'm taking? Should I worry? What, me worry? Is there something for people who don't worry?

How do you get in those ads? Are there open casting calls printed in the trade magazines and Variety asking for people to "come on down" and bring their phones and prescription receipts? Is it like "Antiques Roadshow" where you wait in line at the convention center or armory and have someone talk to you and see if you qualify for the next level of consideration?

Can someone get back to me? I just wanna be acknowledged.

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