In Memoriam

In addition to reading the tribute obituaries in the NYT, I also generally scan down on the obit page to the In Memoriam notices. These don't appear everyday, but because I've placed notices there myself to acknowledge milestone anniversaries of my murdered co-workers in 2002, I feel perhaps a special connection to these placings. I also know what they cost, and it's substantial.

Yesterday there was one placed to acknowledge someone born on July 6, 1931 who passed away on May 18, 2004. Easy to figure why: July 6th would have been their 91st birthday.

The sentiment goes:

Beloved father, grandfather and husband. Sad that you're gone. Glad that you're not around to see the mess the world is in.

It's a common emotion. Someone who has  passed away is shielded from the day's events, whatever horror they might be. Maybe it's an epidemic, mass shooting, war, economic downturn, someone else passing away, disease; could be anything. 

I'll admit to having a similar feeling when my father was in the hospital with terminal cancer in 1987 and I went to see him. He wasn't aware of my presence that I could tell. The TV was on, and it was news of how the Iran-Contra hearings were going, involving Marine Lieutenant Colonel Oliver North, secretary Fawn Hall, (big Farrah Faucet hair), shredded documents, and who knew what, when, etc. The current mess the United States was in.

I remember thinking that at least my father didn't have to absorb the news of this mess. It's only now that I'm a year older than he was when he passed away at 72 do I realize that he likely wouldn't have minded being given the opportunity to absorb news of the mess the world was in. At least he wouldn't be in a hospital bed dying. Born in 1915, he certainly witnessed a lot. What would some congressional hearings mean compared to all that?

At some point in the '60s I was very much into reading poetry, and I always remember W.H. Auden's September 1, 1939 poem and how he felt when it was obvious Herr Hitler was bent on an attempt at world domination by invading Poland that day.

I sit in one of the dives
On Fifty-second Street
Uncertain and afraid
As the clever hopes expire
Of a low dishonest decade:

...

May I composed like them
Of Eros and dust,
Beleaguered by the same
Negation and despair,
Show an affirming flame.

Basically, as shitty as the world was about to become, Auden wants to be around to show an "affirming flame."

We only get the years and time frame we're born into and live through, and with that, we get to learn of all that is good and bad. But given a choice. I'd rather be around for as long as I can to "show an affirming flame" to whatever mess the world is in.

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