Baker's column was titled 'The Observer' and was a tightly worded, beautifully written discourse (a ballet in a phone booth as he wrote in his last offering) on the hot-button comings and goings of the day. Always with class and grace.
Ms. Dowd is still one of the few writers who can send me to the dictionary. I keep the two volume shorter version of the OED in front of me and still delight in looking words up. In a book. I keep the much smaller 'Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary' within arm's reach when I feel the word is not too obscure and I don't want to do the heavy lifting.
Today's words are: midichorian and lacunae. Look them up if you have to. I did.
Ms. Dowd has become less appealing to me to read as the years have passed over all of us. Her columns can be snarky, filled with one-liners, and sometimes just completely off the wall. Like playing golf in the bathroom.
And she rarely works these day. My man Russ churned out three-a-week columns until he retired on Christmas day in 1998. To paraphrase Don McLean, 'the day the writing died. Bad news on the doorstep.' That was the last column. He is still alive, a nonagenarian living in Virginia.
Ms. Dowd is down to one-a-week, with long breaks for I guess vacation and rejuvenation. She doesn't work very hard, but I guess the Pulitzer she won two decades ago ago insulates her from unemployment. (Mr. Baker won two; Commentary and Biography)
But we're not here to bury the lady, we're here to praise her. At least for today. The first column of the New Year, 'Boogie Down Bronx Lady,' is a winner, and is worth reading in the best tradition of Russell Baker.
Ms. Dowd has crowned Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the newly elected Congresswoman representing the rough edges of The Bronx and Queens, as A.O.C. It is worthy shorthand for a somewhat long, hyphenated name. Ms. Ocasio is obviously Latino, good looking and turned out in nice clothing. She photographs well, and has a winning smile. And she Tweets.
She is a media magnet because of her good looks, much like Sarah Palin, and she can be relied on to give as good as she gets. She's another New Yorker in the sand box. Will she play well with the others? What do you think?
Anyone who is not currently in a coma knows Federal employees are now into their third week of not being at work, the result of an Oval Office pissing match with the now Democratic leadership in the House. It's becoming a little unseemly out there, like wearing the same clothes for over a week. Things are starting to smell.
Oval Office is of course shorthand for the president, Donald Trump, a five-year-old who doesn't play well in the sand box with anyone. Ms. Dowd refers to him as a Neanderthal, and as I usually stay away from politics, I'm starting the feel the burn.
Ms. Dowd recognizes the changed dynamics of the gender ratio in elected representation. She also recognizes the incivility of a newly elected representative from Michigan, Rashida Tlaib, who is the first Muslim elected to the House, who with no reprimand uses coarse language in an interview in calling President Trump a "mother-fucker" who should be impeached. Ms. Tlaib is no Henry Clay, but rather Andrew Dice Clay. It was just a rehearsal. She's next on 'Saturday Night Live.'
George Carlin pointed out seven words you shouldn't say on television, and that is a solid variation of one of them. If her utterance were in Congress, how would the Congressional Record handle it? Print it verbatim, or would they use a string of *****?
There was a recent A-Hed piece in the Wall Street Journal about the clerks in the House of Commons who enforce the rules apparently laid out in a book from 1844 called Erskine May, written by Erskine May. In the 1,097-page book rules of conduct are outlined. Some are significantly outdated, like leaving your sword at the door...snuff can only come from a special box.
Other riles of decorum are not outdated, such as no speaking ill of your opponent. No personal attacks, or using inappropriate language. Examples are, but not limited to: git, guttersnipe; swine; and stool pigeon. (Those Brits can really hurl some insults.) My guess is you have to get the full text to see if "mother-fucker" is in there, but my guess is also that in the spirit of not using coarse language, that word would qualify for censure.
The story goes that it was thought the opposition leader, Jeremy Corbyn, called Prime Minister Theresa May "a stupid woman," A certain no-no.
Lip readers were employed to see if Jeremy's claim of really saying "stupid people" was what was actually uttered. The initial ruling on the field stood, and no action was taken. No definitive proof of the "stupid woman" utterance.
Ms. Dowd astutely warns the newly elected: "The brat pack may want to avoid getting too far over their skis while their learning curve is steep."
Is there a solution for the current stand off? Read obituaries. Now who's off the wall?
There a recently deceased man who I wish I had met. And after reading the obituary of Herb Kelleher, 87, "Who Let Southwest Airlines Fly With Vision" you will easily recognize the solution to resolving the impasse of Trump's Wailing Wall and pay for Federal employees.
Arm wrestling.
Mr. Kelleher was apparently that rare combination of character and astute businessman who built a start up airline into a major carrier with decades of continuous profit and good relations with unionized employees. Glenn Rifkin in Mr. Kelleher's NYT obituary tells us has was "a hard drinker with an ever-present Kool cigarette in his mouth, he liked to dress like Elvis Presley or other characters at company meeting and maintain a level of fun in the workplace."
Unmentioned in the up-beat obit is the campaign that Southwest became famous for when their flight crews were encouraged to become stand up comedians in their cabin announcements. The advertising approach was heavily parodied by real stand up comedians, as I sat through a routine once at Chicago's Second City. It was hilarious.
But buried in the obit is thing we'd like to see in the way of settling an impasse. In the NYC Police Department two officers who might be having a pissing match with each other are encouraged to put boxing gloves and head gear on and take their "beef" into the ring and settle their difference in an athletic contest. There can sometimes be no greater friends than those created after a fight.
A true testament to the legend of Mr. Kelleher's popularity and success of his leadership is that the Southwest employees and retirees placed a full page notice of appreciation for his leadership in the Wall Street Journal. Few CEOs get that kind of adulation.
In the delightful dancing skit a Little Sidestep in 'The Best Little Whore House in Texas' as performed by Charles Durning as the Governor of Texas, he calls for the settlement of Mid-East differences: "It behooves the Jews and the A-Rabs that they should settle their difference in a Christian manner." Mr. Durning was nominated for a Best Actor Oscar for his evasive dancing approach to problem solving.
And Mr. Kelleher? What do we learn from him? Well, apparently in 1993 Southwest and Stevens Aviation were each using the same advertising tagline, "Just Plane Smart." Typical of all disputes, litigation was considered as the only approach to solving the impasse.
At least until Mr. Kelleher, as the colorful character he apparently was, proposed that he and Kurt Herwald of Stevens Aviation settle the dispute by arm wrestling rather than through the courts.
They did. Mr. Kelleher lost, but Mr. Herwald let me keep the slogan because he liked to guy. You win when you lose. That's a smart guy.
So, how do Federal employees get to go back to work and the issue of the Wailing Wall goes away?
Obviously A.O.C. and The Donald, the Prez, have to line up for an arm wrestling match. Two New Yorkers, poised to settle their "beef."
Fair contest? Hell no. No holds barred. Just like when the Jets and Sharks met under the old West Side Highway in 'West Side Story,' someone has to bring a gun, just like Geno did for the Skarks.
You're saying someone should be shot? Hell no. The plan should be for A.O.C. to position her arm on the stand, lock eyes with The Donald, and at the whistle, immediately reach under the platform and grab The Donald by his goodies. Men love it when attractive women grab them by their goodies.
So simple it can make you cry.
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