The Grab Five

Finally. A group of conspiracy figures (read organized crime) that have not been nicknamed by the Daily News and presumably have no knowledge of the 'L' train.

Of course I'm writing about the five members of the Chinese military that have bee indicted by a Federal grand jury in western Pennsylvania for conspiring to commit computer fraud, among a host of other indictable offenses.

The five, who have nicknames from their computer aliases or some other source are, in no particular order:

Wen Xinyu. a.k.a. Wen Xin Yu, WinXYHappy, Win_XY, Lao Wen. Quite honestly, a  Daily News, or New York Post  nickname here would go a lot better. Say something like 'The Genticist' because of  the X and Y letters in his name. His specialty should be hacking into pharmaceutical companies. China may not now exceed two billion people through strictly human reproductive means. Have you been watching 'Orphan Black?'

Sun Kailiang a.k.a. Sun Kai Ling, Jack Sun. The last nom de guerre leaves me unable to ever look at a $20 bill again and not see some Asian gangster leaning over he rail of a freighter in the fog.

Wang Dong a.k.a. Jack Wang, 'UglyGorilla'. This last name is unfortunate. I mean, based on what we're reading, as bad as it can be, this guy didn't hijack a 767 like Mohamed Atta and use Lower Manhattan as an airstrip.

Gu Chunhui a.k.a. Gu Chun Hui, 'KandyGoo.' Most of these aliases just seem to be spelling variation of their names, possible typos, or other variations to thwart search programs. But 'KandyGoo' is nearly affectionate and may indicate a hobby making fudge.

Huang Zhenyu a.k.a. Huang Zen Yu, 'hzy_lhz.' The least colorful of all. Mr. Zhenyu needs a publicist to create a name for him that will be the sound bite on the evening news. Here, or in China.

There is no extradition treaty with China, so the indictments are certainly symbolic. A shot across the bow in the continuing struggle to keep computer networks safe from unauthorized users.

But just imagine for a few minutes if one of these figures were to come to United States, and they eluded arrest by hiding out, somewhat Whitey Bulger style. After years and years of evading the FBI, the Bureau takes to putting the individual's picture on the Jumbotron in Times Square.

An alert dog walker recognizes the figure and the non-violent arrest takes place. Inside the walls of the individual's dwelling, instead of finding $800,000 in US currency that goes back to the Nixon era, the authorities find walls full of small pieces of paper: fortune cookie sayings.

The sayings of course have been computer hacked from the one company in Brooklyn that makes all the fortune cookies and their inserts for the Northeast.

Maybe this guy does know about the 'L' train.

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